Like most behaviors, enabling is learned. Everything a family learns about addiction is almost all taught to them by the addict or alcoholic. Because of this, every intervention is broken down into two parts, the intervention with the family and the intervention with the substance abuser. The substance abuser has an addiction to drugs or alcohol whereas the family has an addiction to the substance abuser also known as co-dependency and enabling. The primary role of a drug addict or alcoholic is to avoid uncomfortable people, places, things and situations and to be as comfortable as possible at everyone else’s expense. How an addicted person does this is by teaching the family enabling behaviors and using manipulation tactics on friends and society into conforming to addict or alcoholics way of thinking. Through these behaviors the family and friends enable the addict or alcoholic so their addiction becomes as comfortable as possible at everybody else’s expense. An addict or alcoholic almost never has the resources or ability to continue on with their addiction without help from family, an outside source, individual or group. This is why when an addict or alcoholic tries to leave a treatment center they always call the family for help, that is because they can not get high without the enabling support. The problem with addicts and alcoholics is not drugs or alcohol, it is the addict or alcoholic abusing substances as a solution. Family First Intervention does not suggest that you proactively ruin your loved ones life, we show you how to step out of the way to help hold them accountable so they can own the addiction. Intervention is to remove any unhealthy family system or behaviors that allows the drug addict or alcoholic to avoid uncomfortable feelings and situations and to provide a recovery plan that helps them succeed by facing uncomfortable situations on their own in a healthy manner.
Enabling Behaviors
The three primary types of enabling are providing comfort, taking away consequences, and encouragement. All of these forms of enabling make the addiction much more easier for your loved one to continue and makes checking into an inpatient treatment center far less likely. Below these forms of enabling are defined with examples of each:
1. Passively Providing COMFORT – Anything we do or don’t do that makes a substance abuser more comfortable with their addiction or negative behaviors that passively encourages them to continue their lifestyle.
Examples are:
Denying, rationalizing or minimizing
Not confronting them
Keep their problems and substance abuse a secret
Waiting
Tolerating increasingly worse behaviors
Not calling police when crime is committed against you
Allowing them to stay home
Allowing them to stay home with children
2. Actively taking away CONSEQUENCES – Anything we do or don’t do that takes away the negative consequences of the substance abusers pattern of avoiding discomfort. The difference between these types of enabling and those found earlier is that the “Comfort” enabling types are usually passive, whereas these are usually active. In other words these usually involve something that we directly or actively do.
Examples are:
Blaming ourselves
Blaming others
Bearing the negative consequences for them, by assuming their debts or problems.
Paying for tickets or lawyer fees
Providing or “lending” rent, money, or food
Taking over responsibilities
Bailing them out of jail
Handling their finances, bills or other responsibilities
Letting them use your car
3. ENCOURAGEMENT - Anything we do that directly increases the chances of them continuing their behaviors or the substance abuse. These enabling types may even compromise our own integrity. There is never a noble purpose in directly providing mood altering substances to someone whose purpose in life is to avoid discomfort. If the substance abuser has convinced you they will be in danger without the substance, remember, medical professionals are more qualified than you and them.
Examples are:
Drinking or using with the substance abuser
Giving them money to support their habit
Put yourself in jeopardy by allowing drug activities in the home
Driving them to the bar or drug hang-outs
Getting their prescriptions or paying for them
Buying then drugs or liquor
These are all various examples of enabling and not all families enable in the same way nor do they do everything listed here. Family First Intervention always reminds families that the addiction is not the families fault and they do not have to enable their loved one because of guilt or remorse of something they think they have done to cause the addiction. Addicts and alcoholics do the best they can at convincing families that this is all of their fault and the more families buy that, the more they enable. Remember, the highest form of enabling is doing nothing at all.